I was privy to a seminar conducted by a group of ‘Compassionate Capitalists’ in Thailand – July 1 to 3, 2010. This event was attended by over 3000 people from across the globe.

Each of these speakers is a self made millionaire (or more) and has made their wealth by adding value to countless other lives. They are a true testimony to wisdom, balance and ‘holistic success’.

Over the past few decades, each of these individuals has contributed greatly to the personal, professional and financial development of people in over 60 countries.

Here – I share with you excerpts from the colloquium.

Basil Harris (my mentor)

A chartered accountant by qualification. Basil and his wife Leoni live in Sydney, Australia. They immigrated from South Africa in the mid ‘80’s in order to escape the oppressive apartheid regime. Today, as grandparents, life coaches and entrepreneurs they share timeless principles with anyone who will care to listen. They have business interests in over 25 countries. However, their true wealth is the wonderful relationship that they have with each other and with their children. Basil and Leoni have been happily married for 41 years!

• John Maxwell proposed the ‘101 principle’ for working with difficult people. Find the 1 thing that is good about that person and focus 100% on that.
• If you are not happy with your progress – accelerate… and don’t analyze.
• The best mantra to chant when you are facing any persistent challenge is – ‘this too shall pass’.
• Success is nothing but little increments multiplied over time. So get good at measuring the little things.
• You don’t get stuck, you just stopped.
• The backbone will do more for you than the wishbone.
• Most businesses (including your business / work) are logical. However, people are illogical. Or, put another way, business is not complicated, people are.
• Either you get humble or you will be humbled.
• You can’t teach what you haven’t done.
• Nothing works – you have to work it.
• In sales or when setting up your own business or when proposing any idea, respect the ‘SW SW SW’ principle.
  • Some Will
  • Some Wont
  • So What?!
• People like to follow happy people – so be happy!
• Don’t try and be somebody else, just the best you that you can be.
• Work harder on yourself than anything else.
• To manage your life – first manage your thinking.
• Recommended movie: Invictus.
• Recommended book: The Anatomy of Peace by The Arbinger Institute.

Robert Angkasa

Coming from a middle class Indonesian family, Robert’s father barely had enough money to fund his son’s education in Australia. Robert worked hard to make ends meet. He worked as a garbage collector – clearing trash from sports stadiums. Then he was as a taxi driver who often toiled round the clock – just to be able to pay the bills. Finally, he returned home to Jakarta – to find himself working for the prestigious Citibank. Robert quickly ascended to the post of Vice President and at one time led a team of over 300 people. His dream however, was to be his own boss and spend quality time with his loved ones. Over the last 15 years, Robert has built one of the biggest distribution businesses in Indonesia. He is speaker in great demand and shares his success ideas with people in the US, Australia, Europe, the Far East and many other places.

• If you know that success is a journey, you will enjoy yourself.
• A decision needs to have a date – only then is it a real decision.
• Ask yourself everyday – ‘Is what I’m doing going to put me closer or further from my goal’
• The one thing required for success – Make, emotionalize and achieve short term goals.
• Set goals during low times.
• Did you know that only 3% of the world’s population sets goals? That 3% controls majority of the wealth.
• Find someone who you are accountable to.
• Nobody but you controls your success.
• There’s no such thing as a stable business. Either it’s going up or it’s going down.
• Deliberately get out of your comfort zone, that’s the only way to grow.

RD Saunders

Chief Significance Officer at ‘Network of Caring’.

Network of Caring is a significance movement that was the brain child of Jim and Nancy Dornan. Every year, through the efforts of Saunders and huge contributions from the Dornan’s – Network of Caring channels millions of dollars to support poor and underprivileged children across the globe. You can read more about this movement at www.networkofcaring.org

RD spoke about the organization, its mission and its purpose.

The one thing that he mentioned that really got my attention was this —

• Don’t be afraid to get your hands dirty! Go ahead and give freely to others.

I urge you to learn more about this movement and consider contributing – just as I have.

Dinesh & Dipika Shringarpure

A genuine, warm, down to earth couple from Mumbai, India. Dinesh is an Engineer by qualification and comes from a business family. Dipika is a bio chemist. Over the last one decade, they have achieved true significance by influencing lives and helping hundreds of people realize their full potential. As wealthy entrepreneurs, they have compassion in their hearts and believe that anyone can achieve the distinction that they have acquired.

The one big learning from Dinesh and Dipika is -

• When you follow your passion, you achieve greatness.

 Jim Dornan (Basil’s mentor)

Philanthropist, global entrepreneur, speaker, author, educator, leader and influencer – Jim Dornan has affected millions of lives across the globe. It is not uncommon for football stadiums to fill up when he speaks – on relationships, attitudes and life principles. As a true example of a balanced, family oriented individual, Jim passionately plants the seeds of optimism on every continent. His book ‘Piano on the Beach’ is a classic piece on leadership wisdom. He has also co authored ‘Becoming a Person of Significance’ with world renowned leadership guru – John Maxwell.

• Four things we need for success –
  • A bigger vision
  • More belief in ourselves
  • A balance of information and inspiration
  • Partnerships
• Two philosophies for success –
  • Work hard
  • Serve others
• Be a leader & a follower; a teacher and a student; have confidence & humility.
• Every business rises and falls on leadership.
• Leading followers is not very difficult, but it’s also not very rewarding.
• Decisions make everything specific.
• Get committed to (a) simplicity and (b) unity.
• A big misconception: Negative thinking is a sign of intelligence.
• We tend to follow people more for their character than for their competence. So, in order to be a good leader, work more on your character than anything else.
• Sometimes, it’s less important to learn than it is to discover.
• Everybody has problems – few people learn to deal with their problems.
• All great leaders have (a) people skills, (b) compassion for people and (c) FOCUS.
• Make values and culture your foundation.
• Be grateful not proud.

Mitch & Diedre Sala

An amazing example of the power of personal growth. Mitch and Diedre were an average couple with an above average dream. Starting out from their little home in Sydney, today, they have a business that spans the globe. They exemplify hard work, diligence and a never say die attitude. Their loyalty to their mentors (Jim and Nancy) is unparalleled. Along with their three kids, they travel the world preaching the message that anyone with a dream and desire can achieve great success.

• Over a period of time, 20,000 people who had won a million dollars or more in the lottery were surveyed. In 5 years, 76% of these winners were financially worse off than before! When money is given to you without the experiences, inevitably you tend to squander it.
• Ask yourself, what do you want your life to look like in the year 2020? That’s just 114 months away!
• We all start exactly the same way.
• Your biggest obstacle is – the opinions of other people.
• Are you SNIOP (Susceptible to the Negative Influence of Other People)?
• Know what you want… and know what you don’t want.
• If you follow footprints on the beach, you will end up where that person is. Whose foot prints are you following?
• Skills are very important. Keeping your skills up to date are even more important.

Suphat

His mother sold noodles on the streets of Bangkok to be able to support her children. Suphat knew of no other formula than hard work and determination. Recognized as among the wealthiest people in Thailand today, Suphat is a bundle of passion and humility. He personifies integrity, dignity and honor.

• Be humble. The more you grow, the greater should be your humility. Build every level of success on a foundation of humility.
• Call your mentor regularly – stay connected to him.
• It’s ok to fail at achieving your goals but don’t fail to reset your goals!

Angie Somers

Raised in a conservative (and challenging) household, Angie had little confidence while growing up. She worked as a secretary for a number of years until she met with a group of people who infused her with dreams and self belief. With the guidance of her mentor, she ascended to incredible success in business. Starting out from Sydney, Australia, Angie has expanded her enterprise to Europe, India, China and many parts of the Far East. Today, she and her husband Karl travel the world and inspire people to step over their circumstances – and fulfill their dreams and passions.

• We all have a past; but… your past is not your future
• With people, be kind; with circumstances, be patient.
• Say the words ‘I love you’ with emotion to the people whom you love. Say it quickly, say it today. Don’t have regrets later on.
• Be grateful for what is. We all have lots of things to be grateful for. More than a billion people go to bed hungry every day – at least you had food to eat! So, be grateful every single day.
• You get what you focus on – good or bad.
• Everything can change with time.
• From Nelson Mandella – we learn forgiveness.
  • Forgive others
  • Ask for forgiveness from others
  • Forgive yourself

Nancy Dornan

As a mother, grandmother, businesswoman & leader – Nancy is renowned for her compassion and kindness. Along with her husband Jim, she tirelessly invests her time, her humor and her heart towards the well being of others. Those who have met Nancy never forget her…and Nancy Dornan never forgets them.  Nancy and Jim provide emotional and financial support to an untold number of organizations and individuals. As a couple, they truly are people of significance and influence.

• In the ‘people arena’, you never stop learning. You cannot live long enough to know everything about people.
• When it comes to encouragement – you can never overdo it.
• Don’t live your life with regret.
• Five years from now, which would question you rather ask? –
  • I’m glad I did OR
  • I wish I had…
• When faced with argumentative situations – do you want to be right or do you want to be rich?
• You don’t have to win every argument. Allow others to win arguments. You may lose the battle, but you will win the war. This is true wisdom.
• Disown helplessness!
• Reject helplessness!
• Worrying never fixed anything in the past. Why should it be different now?
• Everything is difficult before it becomes easy.
• Everything plateaus – you’ve got to recognize and bust through those plateaus.
• Self talk is Soul talk – what are you telling yourself? What is the talk that goes on in your mind?
• Anger is often a response to fear.
• Block out thoughts that don’t add to you.
• I’d rather live with forgiveness that with regret.
• Ask – if I walk down this road, where will it lead me in the long term?
• Believe in what you cannot see. You have to believe it before you see it!
• Indifference is not the right substitute for cruelty!
• An experiment was done to test people’s tolerance to pain. Two groups of people – had to keep their bare feet in ice cold water. One group was left by themselves. The second group had people encouraging them. On average, the second group lasted twice as long as the first.
• Encourage and add value to everyone all the time.
• Praise changes people. Criticism also changes people!
• Be careful that your brilliance is not insulting to others. Humble yourself.
• Love people and use things. Don’t use people and love things!
• Recommended book: Three Seconds by Les Perot.

(Arjun Aiyar is a corporate trainer, executive coach and motivational speaker based in Dubai. He has two training companies – one in India and the other in the UAE. His organizations cater to corporates and individuals by providing training and coaching in soft skills and behavioural areas. Learn more about Arjun’s business on www.stepupuae.com or www.thinqdynamiq.com or read his other articles on his personal blog www.trainingindubai.wordpress.com )

Yesterday and Tomorrow

Abraham Lincoln shared a short narrative about two wood cutters who decided to compete on who could chop down more trees in a day. The first man started out furiously and decided to chop away without taking any breaks. The second man chopped for a while and then stopped, to sharpen his axe. All through the day, the first cutter did not stop whereas the second contestant regularly took ‘time out’ every couple of hours to hone his axe. Interestingly enough, at the end of the day, the second cutter had achieved twice as much and was half as tired as the first!

Evidently the first man exerted more, made more noise, appeared to be busier – and yet achieved far less, because after a while, he was hacking away with a blunt instrument.

We see the same chronicle repeated in our work lives frequently. In this ever changing and dynamic environment, success has less to do with quantity and more to do with quality inputs. In these days of enhanced competition and budgetary constraints, our biggest challenges are stress, conflict (with internal and external customers) and a kind of revolutionary change.

Albert Einstein rightly said, ‘We cannot solve the problems of today with the same thinking that we used to create them’.

Not surprisingly, we observe an unprecedented interest in the personal growth or self development industry. A casual visit to your nearest book shop will highlight the huge quantum of material that is now being produced in the areas of people skills, leadership, communication skills, stress management, customer service, selling skills, presentation skills, business etiquette, time management, networking, attitude, teambuilding, etc. Books, videos and other tools on these and like subjects are now so pervasively visible across our realm.

Fresh Perspectives

As I enter my 12^th year in the soft skills and corporate training business, it has been fascinating to observe the gradual change in mindsets, in a multitude of countries around the world. It is now becoming harder and harder for corporates to deny the importance (or rather significance) of enhancing individual skill levels not just in technical subjects but also in the softer areas as mentioned above. Renowned quality management guru, Suresh Lulla, recently said to me ‘Soft skills is the future’.  This is a man who has spent the better part of his professional life researching and teaching the subject of quality management. He has also been featured in numerous reputed business publications as an icon of success in the field of quality.

More now than ever before, companies and individuals alike are looking upon training and soft skill development as an investment rather than an expense. Human Resource professionals acknowledge that soft skills training results in the development of ‘Emotional Intelligence’ and thus significantly appreciates the value of the organizations ‘human assets’. Among professionals today, there is a gradual realization that while IQ (Intelligence Quotient) gets you a job, EQ (Emotional Quotient) gets you fired or promoted. In his book, Winning with People, New York Times best selling author John Maxwell says, ‘In life, the skills you use and the people you choose, will make or break you’. Maxwell is considered one of the foremost authorities on leadership and has written numerous works on this subject. He contends that when one learns to control their emotions and build good relationships with other people, there is very little that can keep them away from success.

Maxwell’s assertion so well elucidates the two primary components of soft skills i.e. self development and relationship enhancement.

Trepidations

(1)   A common opposition (and a protest of sorts) to soft skill training programs is – ‘What if I train my employees and they leave to join another organization? Wouldn’t that be a waste of precious resources and time?’

 Self made multi millionaire and entrepreneur, Jim Dornan, responds to this objection thus – ‘What if you don’t train your employees and they stay in your organization? How would you like to have the burden of large numbers of unskilled, ill equipped or poorly motivated people?’

 So, while the argument to not train your people may have some weight, the alternative is far from pleasant.  Retaining a group of untutored, unprepared or apathetic staff is one of the greatest drags on any organization. Following this latest recession, very few companies can claim that their people continue to stay motivated without any deliberate intervention.

 (2)   Another point of contention is when an organization abstains from training because they believe that they are already hiring skilled (or experienced) personnel. While this argument holds ground at the time of recruitment, it loses its sheen with the passage of time. As is with any discipline, people tend to ‘get out of shape’ if they don’t consciously and continually work at honing their skills.

 Thought leader, author and motivational speaker Brian Tracy says, ‘Knowledge in most fields doubles every 3 to 4 years. Thus, an individual who is not deliberate about developing or growing himself / herself, will fall behind.’ Tracy goes on to explain that ‘doing nothing’ or even ‘doing little’ to sharpen your axe will inevitably build the odds against you. Needless to say, your competition will gain significant advantages over you just by further developing their skilled employees.

 Delhi based certified coach and Master NLP practitioner, Shalini Verma (founder of The Skyscrapers Academy) says, ‘Skilled personnel are the best candidates for training and coaching. These people already have a base aptitude and thus have a great foundation for developing leadership skills. History has shown that any enterprise will rise and fall on leadership. The quality of its leaders will determine the size and sustenance of the business.’ She goes on to explain that when the head is strong and stable, the tail automatically aligns. So, the skilled workforce, are actually the best candidates for continual soft skill development.

 (3)   And here’s the great grand daddy of all protests – ‘Training & motivation doesn’t last! My people get motivated after the training BUT things just fizzle out over a period of time.’

My mentor Basil Harris is a very wise man. As an entrepreneur and coach, I have seen him guide a number of people towards the accomplishment of their dreams and goals. He says, ‘That’s right, training & motivation doesn’t last!….. Neither does bathing; and that’s why we repeat it!’

 Our logical minds can easily accept that the food in our stomach does not last – we need to repeat it every few hours, the air in our tyres needs regular replenishment, and yes – if we are to lose weight or get fit – just one visit to the gym isn’t going to cut it. It is not uncommon today, to see doctors, lawyers, engineers, tax consultants, etc taking time out to upgrade or just update themselves. So, why should training or any kind of soft skills development be any different?

Gratification

My good friend and business partner, Swati Pradhan (an entrepreneur and executive coach, based in the UK) says, ‘When soft skill development is driven and encouraged by the organizations senior leadership – trainings are taken seriously and a culture of continual improvement gets automatically imbibed. Inevitably, such a company earns the reputation of being a preferred employer – and predictably, this enterprise now attracts some of the best talent in the industry’.

Maslow and numerous other authorities in the field of psychology endorse that ‘personal growth and self development’ is a strong human need and thus – when an institution starts to fulfill this need – good quality people are attracted to it as fly’s are to honey.

Over time, companies that are consistent with soft skill trainings see -

(a) Growth in turnover

(b) Higher profits & reduced costs

(c) Innovation & higher levels of staff motivation and

(d) Enhanced loyalty

All of the above represents extraordinary levels of Return on Investment.

We live in a world of microwave ovens, instant noodles and crash diets. So, our psyche tends to expect instant gratification from everything. The few that comprehend the concept of delayed gratification acknowledge that soft skills training is not a quick fix. While it’s true that one or two training programs produce little results, it is also true that a regular and methodical application produces enormous tangible and intangible gain.

The moment we can regard soft skills trainings as a long term fitness program, rather than as a one time purchase of machinery, we have taken the most important step towards organizational and personal success.

The Price of Success

The second wood cutter made less noise, spent less effort (and time) and yet accomplished greater results – all because he took the time to sharpen his axe.

In order to ‘go up’, we first need to ‘grow up’ i.e. develop ourselves. And in order to grow up, we need to ‘give up’ i.e. our inhibitions towards self development, relationship enhancement and change.

Soft skills development requires the element of discipline – nothing more and nothing less. Rest assured, the price of discipline is far less that the price of regret.

(Arjun Aiyar is a corporate trainer, executive coach and motivational speaker based in Dubai. He has two training companies – one in India and the other in the UAE. His organizations cater to corporates and individuals by providing training and coaching in soft skills and behavioural areas. Learn more about Arjun’s business on www.stepupuae.com or www.thinqdynamiq.com)

A recent article on msn.com highlighted a revolutionary discovery that unearths a powerful, yet lesser known concept. Due credit to Gregg Braden, who is a New York Times best selling author, and internationally renowned as a pioneer in bridging science and spirituality.

The first significant incident that catapulted this idea to the limelight was the attacks on the world trade centre in New York on September 11, 2001. Scientists found that our satellites in space recorded unusual changes in the earth’s magnetic field while the sentiment of 9/11 precipitated through different nations. In the last few years, scholars have documented similar findings – around local or global events that have been characteristically sensational or sentimental in nature. Admittedly, the New York attacks registered as most significant on the scale. Experiment and findings bear the conclusion that ‘large scale emotions’ of any nature inexplicably alter the earth’s magnetic field. It is noteworthy that this magnetic field is largely responsible for regulating our weather. It affects our ice caps, sea levels, temperatures and winds.

Studies also show that when we as human beings conceive emotions of any kind, a magnetic field is actually generated inside our bodies and this ‘micro field’ interacts with the ‘macro field’ of the planet. Thus, in some small way, our emotions exert its influence on the bigger domain.

While this article may not delve into the deeper science behind these astonishing revelations, it may serve us well to recognize this phenomenon and discuss a few methods to contribute positively for the greater good.

I would express a word of gratitude to my mentor, Basil Harris, who has considerably influenced the conception of these ideas and notions. I will also assign tribute to various other personalities as these views unfurl. Each of these nuggets is an effort towards creating ‘positive magnetic energy’ – such that it aligns beautifully with the field of our planet. You might discover that a diligent and consistent application of these concepts brings about greater benefits than what is apparent.

While these thoughts may not be exhaustive, they certainly are a good foundation – based on which you are able to build a strong and prosperous life.

Let’s call these concepts the ‘FIVE What’s’!

1. What you think. In her now world famous book and video, ‘The Secret’, bestselling author Rhonda Byrne says, ‘What you think about, you bring about’. Rhonda and numerous other stalwarts in the field of science and human medicine draw a direct correlation between the quality of our thoughts and the quantum of our happiness. While few may claim the ability to completely control their thoughts, the ones that endeavor to consistently ‘think well’ are on the receiving end of numerous material and intangible benefits. Our thoughts are like the big screen of a cinema hall. Since we would not go back and watch a movie that displeased us, it bears to reason that we should abstain from playing such negative movies in the screen of our mind.
   Action: Thoughts about personal success, bringing joy to others and beautiful win – win solutions (to our challenges) empower us with good health, a state of bliss and quality friends. These ‘thought practices’ will undoubtedly align you with ‘positive magnetic energy’ and draw more good into your life. As I had mentioned in one of my previous articles – try it before you deny it!
2. What you say to others. Author, Hal Urban has written a 200+ page book titled ‘Positive Words, Powerful Results’. In it, he beautifully elucidates how our choice of words can affect not only those around us but also ourselves. When we think back at the moments that have shaped our lives, more often than not, they have been ‘words’ said to us or about us. Perhaps the kind and encouraging words of a teacher at school or the harsh admonishment of a relative. While in many cases, we may not remember the exact words, we can almost always dwell on the emotion that the words produced. In most instances, these emotions are astoundingly strong and have often shaped our lives. If words can evoke such emotion in us – imagine what our words do to others. Urban’s book highlights that the most magnificent thing about words is that it is a choice – our choice.
   Action: Through consistent words of sincere praise, kindness and thanks, we affect the magnetic field of the people around us. Compliment at least two people every day for seven days in a row – and then feel the energy flowing through you and them alike. You will be pleasantly surprised! Another powerful instrument in this context is the act of apology. Self made multi- millionaire and global entrepreneur, Peter Cox, says, ‘apologize when you are wrong’. Then he goes on to say, ‘apologize even if you are right!’ Wise words from one who has influenced thousands of lives and in the process developed his own. The lesson – humility is a powerful tool to invoke positive human magnetism. Use humble words.
3. What you do for others. Every religious text advocates the notion of ‘doing good unto others’. It might be prudent to highlight that the words are NOT ‘do good only to those, who do good to you!’ My dear friend and award winning ventriloquist, Lindi Jane, has a mantra for life. She says that her greatest weapon is ‘kindness’. It is fascinating to observe how Lindi consciously refrains from judgmental thoughts and is able to see beyond an individual’s outbursts or flare ups.  It’s easy to feel kindness towards one who is kind to you. It’s wise to feel it towards one who is not. Lindi Jane is the personification of this principle. As you apply this standard with a multitude of people, you will find yourself experiencing a sense of inner peace – and a feeling that can best be described as ‘bliss’. Gregg Braden refers to this idea as ‘heart based living’. Mother Teresa said ‘Let no one come to you without leaving happier and better’.
   Action: As a strategy, deliberately allow yourself to indulge in random acts of kindness, warm smiles, friendly nods of acknowledgment, respectful bows and deeds that will add value to others without any gain to you. You will feel powerful energy and positive magnetism.
4. What you do for yourself. Shalini Verma is a reputed executive coach based in New Delhi. As an entrepreneur, counselor and guide, she has transcended from success to significance by inspiring numerous business and corporate leaders to realize their full potential. Through her company, ‘The Sky Scrapers Academy’, Shalini Verma has coached people in a number of countries and continues to enhance lives through her coactive coaching. Shalini suggests that, while we engage ourselves in good for others (words and deeds), let us not ignore ourselves. Sacrifice does not imply that one needs to forfeit happiness for self. Over a period of time, ignoring your needs will only lead to bitterness, frustration and dissent. Author, motivational speaker and thought leader, Wayne Dyer, proposes that we desist from experiencing guilt whenever we indulge ourselves. He says that it is healthy and important for us to do things that give us joy.
   Action: Here is a simple idea – ‘De –regiment’ your life. Every now so often, break out of a structure or schedule. Do different things. Do things that you have not done before. Do things that feel unusual. Do things at a whim. Be spontaneous. Feel the freedom of acting in the moment and without a plan. This will liberate you to no end. It could be something as ordinary as watching a movie, eating a new kind of food or visiting a museum. It could even be something as abstract as painting a picture, participating in a debate or trying a completely new profession (part time or full time). You may want to try and learn words from another language, test drive a Rolls Royce, wear a new kind of outfit, burst into song, dance on the streets, buy yourself a gift, go for an opera, etc. Don’t worry about what others will think of you. At worst, they will be surprised and at best, they will admire your courage. Most importantly, you will feel good and that is great for your magnetic energy and that of others.
5. What you write. The power of the written word applies itself in areas as diverse as religion and law. In contracts, agreements and even global treaties – the act of writing something is indicative of emphasis or reinforcement. If the spoken word is expression, then the written word is acceptance and concurrence. Also, while the spoken word can be retracted with reasonable ease, the written word is more difficult to refute or contest. You and I engage in writing using media like letters, emails, sms’, etc. This article is also an example of ‘what you write’ or more precisely ‘what I write’. That we impact others through our written word is an inexorable fact. If you are reading this article, you most certainly use email. And, you surely communicate with a wide array of folks on an assortment of topics.
   Action: Deliberate courteous inclusions in our written notes would be interpreted as an act of nobility. Gracious people use gracious words. A few suggestions – (a) always use ‘Dear’ or ‘Hi’ as appropriate (b) start with a kind greeting or query them on their well being (c) if you have to state something difficult or harsh – do so with finesse (d) ask for their assistance in resolving the challenge – if there is one (e) close with good wishes and / or kind regards. Make this a habit and the positive magnetic energy will reverberate in you and in your readers.

Therefore: What you think, what you say, what you do for others, what you do for yourself and what you write will have a direct bearing on -

1. What you acquire
2. What you become and
3. What you feel!

In closing, D.L. Moody advised people to….

do all the good you can,

to all the people you can,

in all the ways you can,

as long as ever you can…

Use the power of human magnetism to flood your life with unbounded happiness and joy!

(Arjun Aiyar is a corporate trainer, executive coach and motivational speaker based in Dubai. He has two training companies – one in India and the other in the UAE. His organizations cater to corporates and individuals by providing training and coaching in soft skills and behavioural areas. Learn more about Arjun’s business on www.stepupuae.com or www.thinqdynamiq.com)

On a recent visit to Mumbai, I sat excitedly with a group of friends relishing a fine ‘biryani’ in a popular establishment. The moment of truth finally arrived when it was time to order our dessert. The unequivocal response is by now almost predictable. Invariably, at every gourmet gathering, there are those that swear they will not have anything sweet, and will still succumb. This is the time when the air becomes saturated with quotes, statistics and gags on the merits or demerits of indulgence in ‘sugar therapy’. A humorous debate seems an almost necessity – such that due justification can be found to summon forth a dish of delight. Sigmund Freud would certainly find stimulation in studying this ‘love – hate’ relationship between man and his temptations. He would relish the analysis of the emotions that cause one to flip 180 degrees from an absolute No to a loud and resounding Yes. Indisputably, man would be accused of being a creature of controversies and conflict. Alternatively, a kinder verdict might even credit us with the ability to balance opposites and differing viewpoints.

The item of choice was a generous scoop of ice cream placed on top of a square chocolate brownie which in turn rested on a hot metal plate. At the time of serving, a small jug of chocolate sauce was carefully poured onto the ice cream – and the sauce was allowed to drip over the brownie onto the hot plate releasing a sizzling sound and an intoxicating chocolate aroma. The dish is thus an inundation of a brownie, hot chocolate sauce and ice cream. Once settled, this ‘hot – cold’ combination serves as a lure to the bravest of hearts.

Since time immemorial, a mix of opposites has never failed to gain human attention. From food & beverages to clothes, we humans take great delight in experimenting with contradictions. In recent years, oxymorons like ‘love – hate’, ‘hot – cold’ or ‘true – lies’ have created sizeable profits for the movie and advertising industry. The phrase ‘Opposites attract’ is now almost a cliché and continues to extend itself liberally to conversations and prophecies across the globe.

Pragmatists might however argue that while these oxymoron’s and contradictions serve well for fashion, dialogue or allegory, its business and economic applications are fraught with turmoil. The idea being that – in business, opposites may be apt for illustration, but not ideal for application.

In most minds, the term ‘Spiritual Capitalism’ conjures up a similar emotion. Spirituality and Capitalism are perceived as being on opposite ends of the spectrum and thus ‘never the twain shall meet’. Like the night and day – if one exists then the other cannot. Our modern society coupled with recent economic events has further polarized the two words, hence categorizing them as distinct and markedly divergent.

As a resident of Dubai, and thus a member of an international community, I have been witness to the disconcerting outcomes of the current global recession. Job losses and business shut downs have certainly been felt in menacing proportions. From bloom to doom, the last few months have adversely altered the reality of innumerable families and individuals. Any socialist could now delight in berating this system of extreme capitalism which has seemingly blown over like an overheated engine – now lying in pieces with steam still bellowing from its under belly.

As we pick up the pieces and gradually recover from this bolt out of the blue, it is interesting to observe how people across the globe are now suddenly engaged in deep contemplation. Questions like – what happened? Why did it happen? and Why did it happen to me? seem to dominate the mental landscape of the multitudes.

 The wise however have taken a slightly different path – a path that starts with asking slightly different questions.

An expression of gratitude to my mentor, Basil Harris, is in order here. In this instance, it is his wisdom that I humbly share with you. Basil teaches that one would gain by asking questions like – What did I learn? How can I recover? and What precautions must I take henceforth? It’s almost fascinating to observe how feelings can transmute from fear to cheer just by consciously and repeatedly posing these questions to oneself. Basil suggests that an exercise in actually writing down the responses to these queries will be far from futile. In fact, this act of writing will lay the blue print for your new success plan. If in doubt, here’s a piece of advice from one who has already ventured onto this path – ‘try it before you deny it’!

Thought leaders and icons from across the globe have shared some fascinating insights on managing yourself and your career in these trying times. Interestingly, much of their counsel correlates so distinctly with the scriptures of any religious text. This realization prompted the inception of this article on ‘Spiritual Capitalism’.

If we regard the words ‘Spiritual’ and ‘Capitalism’ as being on opposite sides of the ‘philosophy spectrum’, then placing them together would create an oxymoron. Interestingly, we are learning today that when we move just one step across the border of this pre defined spectrum, we find ourselves at its opposite end! That’s right – one step across and you arrive at the opposite side! Thus, what seems to be opposite or disconnected is in fact deeply entwined or entangled. Allow me to further elucidate this by listing some suggestions from the great gurus of our time. When reading these ideas – rather than looking for proof, endeavor to truly imbibe these philosophies and the results will be forthcoming. Jim Dornan says, ‘Don’t let the unexplainable keep you away from the undeniable’.

 1. Move from isolation to integration: Work with people not against them. Treat human beings as a resource rather than as a tool. Genuinely seek benefit for others and others will work to benefit you! People are more sensitive today than ever before, so satisfy their ‘need to belong’. Internationally acclaimed leadership author and speaker, John Maxwell said, ‘People don’t care if you know, until they know that you care’.

2. Imbibe a spirit of collaboration instead of competition: The new environment presents abundant opportunities for partnerships and alliances. Many others are in the same situation as you and looking to fill the gaps. They would be excited to discover your keenness to collaborate with them. Make the effort and attract like – minded people into your life. Ray Keller said, ‘We are each angels with just one wing and therefore we can only fly when we embrace one another’. Should you fear the concept of joint ventures, here’s a thought for you – I don’t deny that many partnerships fail but you can’t deny that many succeed!

 3. Have an attitude of gratitude: A fun exercise to do is to compare your challenges and situation to others who are worse off than you. Aren’t we grateful that we have food to eat, a roof over our heads and a few people who still love us? Even if you are challenged with these, remember, history is full of stories of people who navigated through much harsher conditions. In most cases, the solution to depression is – perspective. Recently, I was fortunate to be reminded by Shalini Verma – an accomplished executive, life and leadership coach, that many people would kill to be in my shoes! Think about it, don’t you have so much more going for you than millions of others out there? Get the joy back into your life. Be happy again and you will attract happy people and fruitful opportunities to you. In the words to the prolific author Wayne Dyer – ‘There is no way to happiness…..happiness is the way’.

4. Ideate, innovate and initiate: Every great business or corporation was once an intangible idea. Consciously put yourself in environments that foster creativity. Whether it is music, a walk in the park or just staring at the ceiling, do what works for you and deliberately ideate. A GREAT way to generate ideas is to pray or meditate. Prayer is nothing but focused thought or a higher state of mind. Taken to a deeper level, it may represent thoughtlessness or an empty mind. Whichever concept you subscribe to, scientists today have proven that focused thought actually has an effect on matter! They have also discovered a realm of consciousness that supersedes the subconscious mind – it is called the ‘super conscious mind’. Leading authors like Brian Tracy talk and write about this super conscious state as being one of the best tools for goal accomplishment. In a manner of speaking, super conscious thinking connects you with the infinite (more commonly referred to as God), thus allowing you access to the sea of boundless wisdom. Whatever your ideas, the final key is to initiate or act. I recently heard entrepreneur Prem Pillay say ‘There are two types of failures in the world– those who thought but didn’t do and those who did but did not think’. Let’s endeavor to be in neither category. Robin Sharma puts it another way. He says ‘Ideation without execution is mere delusion’. And so, in conclusion, you don’t have to be great to start but you have to start in order to be great.

With great change comes great opportunity. If history is any guide, inevitably the recession will recede and a new era will dawn upon us. Economic cycles are not vastly dissimilar to the weather. A storm or a flood arrives, wreaks its share of havoc and finally settles back to serenity. Norman Leonard said, ‘the bend in the road is not the end in the road, unless you fail to make the turn’! And so, there is great merit in now imbibing the philosophy of great minds i.e. the philosophy of ‘Spiritual Capitalism’. 

Spirituality endorses the view that we humans are all interconnected. In fact, it goes one step further and advocates that all matter is interconnected. Using the newly established field of quantum physics, scientists use the term ‘entanglement’ to scientifically establish this very notion. Supporters of the ‘Big Bang’ theory elucidate ‘entanglement’ by stating that at a sub atomic level, all of the universe is connected. Whereas science and religion (spirituality) were considered ‘oxymoronal’ in nature, the converse is being corroborated more and more today. Fascinatingly enough, today, both science and religion are advocating the same if not a similar philosophies.

In light of these revelations and in keeping with the success principles listed earlier, the phrase ‘Spiritual Capitalism’ is a tautology (i.e. the opposite of oxymoron) rather than an oxymoron. Over the years, ‘money’ and ‘people with money’ have earned a poor reputation and ‘spirituality’ and ‘spiritual people’ have been revered and respected. There is little paucity of individuals who have abused their powers, particularly the power that money brings. However, as my mentor so rightly points out – Money by itself is not good or bad; it’s what we do with the money that is good or bad. Time and again, it has been seen that capitalists that have sustained are the ones who have grown by consistently benefiting others.

World renowned author, coach and speaker Zig Ziglar says, ‘You can have anything in life you want if you just help enough other people get what they want’. This quote best personifies ‘Spiritual Capitalism’ – as being capitalism endowed with the character of compassion.

A recognition and application of this dogma can open the doorway to boundless treasures – material or otherwise.

(Arjun Aiyar is a corporate trainer, executive coach and motivational speaker based in Dubai. He has two training companies – one in India and the other in the UAE. His organizations cater to corporates and individuals by providing training and coaching in soft skills and behavioural areas. Learn more about Arjun’s business on www.stepupuae.com or www.thinqdynamiq.com)

On a journey of discovery into the fascinating world of coaching, I chanced upon the term ‘Neuroplasticity’.

The word itself is intriguing and some amount of research gave me an incredible perspective on the functioning of the human mind and its capacity for change. It reveals how much power we have – if only we choose to embrace it. I would like to give credit to Shalini Verma, an accomplished coach who is based in Delhi. A brief interaction with her and some time spent reviewing her personal blog has inspired me to write on this subject.

Simply put, ‘Neuro’ means brain and ‘plasticity’ is flexibility or the ability to change. The brain is made up of billions of cells called neurons. These cells are interconnected to each other by ‘neural pathways’. These are actual physical connections that exist inside our brains. Each pathway represents a habit, an attitude or a belief system. It has been said that we are creatures of habit. What this means is that, we as human beings get acclimatized to performing certain tasks (work or otherwise) in a particular style. For eg. we are used to taking a certain route from home to the office. When there is a change in the route either on account of a new office location or road works, we experience a sense of discomfort that borders on anxiety. This is because the brain is being forced to create a new pathway (habit), one that did not exist before.  It was earlier believed that the brain was characteristically static which means it could not change past a certain age. The adage, “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks”, clearly reflects a long held belief about the nature of the brain. Expressions like “He is hardwired to function in that way”, further propagated the idea that many people are unable to make changes especially when they are habituated to a pattern or past a certain age.

In the 1980’s, the chief scientist at the Institute of Behavioral Research in Silver Spring, Maryland, Dr. Edward Taub, through a series of validated experiments and studies observed that the brain was capable of creating new connections on a massive scale- at will, and at any stage in life. The new connections are formed whenever we start doing something that we have never done before. For e.g. learning to play a musical instrument, speaking a new language or relocating to a new country. Therefore, the brain is not static but it is characteristically plastic i.e. adaptable and able to mould itself to suit a new situation or environment. Experts in the field today have gone one step further still. It has been proven that the brain does not only form new pathways to acquire new skills but is continually in the process of building these connections, on a daily basis in response to the smallest of changes that happen around us.

Everything we think and do affects the brain’s neural pathways.  Ideas, thoughts, habits, etc are constantly refining these neural highways. Evidently, we human beings have an immense ability to change and continually develop new connections and maps. The challenge therefore is to move from ‘ability’ to ‘willingness’ and then transmuting that willingness into deliberate action.

At a seminar conducted in the US recently, the speaker asked the audience ‘Can you speak Japanese?’.  As you can well imagine, very hands went up. The speaker repeated the question and of course the response was exactly the same. The speaker then explained that if millions of 4, 5 and 6 year olds in Japan can speak Japanese, then, every adult in the audience could also do the same. It’s just that they hadn’t taken the effort to learn the language. So, we call can speak Japanese – its just that we currently don’t! Now, that’s a classic example of Neuroplasticity. Most of us are guilty of denying ourselves of new or different experiences – for one reason and one reason only – we have never done it before. In other words, we are just ‘uncomfortable’ to do something that we haven’t done before OR more simply put – the neural pathways for that new activity don’t exist, and we believe that it can’t exist.

Logic (and experience) has taught us that when a muscle is not used – it tends to shrink and becomes weak. If your hand of leg has ever been in a cast, you know the feeling. It then takes effort to regain your strength through consistent exercise.

Similarly, exercising the brain is nothing but creating new pathways i.e. doing new and different things i.e. having plastic experiences – daily! A resilient and strong mind (brain) is therefore one that consciously and regularly creates new pathways and maps.

Go ahead and allow this principle to positively impact every area of your life!

 (Arjun Aiyar is a corporate trainer, executive coach and motivational speaker based in Dubai. He has two training companies – one in India and the other in the UAE. His organizations cater to corporates and individuals by providing training and coaching in soft skills and behavioural areas. Learn more about Arjun’s business on www.stepupuae.com or www.thinqdynamiq.com)

Bright sunshine, endless stretches of sand, the odd camel farm, fenced in patches of lush green fauna and architecturally beautiful moques. The 140 odd kilometer, two hour drive from Dubai to Abu Dhabi can be either uneventful and routine or fascinating and delightful.

 

Looking around, I noticed that most drivers’ eyes are fixated by the road signs and cars ahead, hardly ever wandering away to the much that lies just beside. Like an old dog on a leash, led by a rigid master, drivers move clinically from one stretch of highway to the next with this ever so confident poise that each will predictably arrive at their chosen destination.

 

My colleague Venkat and I embarked on one such journey together recently, and it occurred to me that the concepts connected to sales have such an amazing co relation to this or any other voyage.

 

The ancient adage says, ‘A journey of a thousand miles starts with the first step’.

 

Over the last 3 weeks, we have been out in the market moving resolutely from one prospect to the next. In this endeavor to grow our business and after more than 15 meetings, it’s interesting now to look back at the plethora of experiences and outcomes that have ensued from the last 21 days.

 

An almost immediate observation is that logic and rationality hold such little credence when compared to emotion and sentiment. What overwhelms me at the moment is the memory of scores of previous ‘15 meeting projects’ that I have undertaken. That eerie de javu whose presence it seems I had taken almost for granted. I marvel at this extraordinary phenomena, one that I can think of no better word to describe than – predictability.

 

Three cheers to the one who conceived roads and highways, the kind that we have in most modern cities today. With such miraculous simplicity, one is able to transfer from point A to B. We thus diligently observe the two immutable laws of highway travel – (i) Keep moving forward and (ii) Stay on the highway.

 

It is the application of these two profound, yet unwritten edicts that predictably gets you to where you want to go. A pretty strong contender for a third law would be ‘speed’ as this determines how quickly one arrives at their intended objective.

 

Our previous follies had taught Venkat and I not to ponder too long about the prospect whom we had just met, but instead to expedite steps towards meeting the NEXT candidate. It would pay us little to question or analyze why the road curved in particular places and why there were certain detours. It’s not as if we wanted each diversion to be explained by the road authorities. In the quest for our destination, we merely trusted that this was not the place to stop but instead to assert boldly forward.

 

In sales, ‘mind space’ is precious and a novice often engages in dwelling on the trivial. This over analytical approach causes one to stop, get out of the car and study the contours of the drive way, inevitably delaying ones arrival at the pre determined stop. Imagine doing something like this after every client meeting. An extensive study of each prospect visit is nothing short of debilitating. Yet, we so often find ourselves engaged this folly.

 

Interestingly, Venkat and I derived greater joy in our comments about the quality of the road and inaccurateness of the detours – AFTER we had reached our destination. There was a kind of peace in studying or examining the route and its drawbacks once the journey was complete. It was like having reached the peak of an incredible mountain and looking down upon the hardships that we had endured in order to get to the summit. An analysis of the clients that rejected us, is therefore balanced and fruitful when conducted from a position of victory. Efforts to exert in this area prior to arrival are both unproductive and harmful. Not to mention the delays caused by the squandering of time.

 

From the 15 that we met, no doubt, business will accrue from 2 or 3. We could see that there was a strong desire and intent to transact with us. That leaves 12 odd prospects who will most probably not engage – at least for now.

 

The red light on the dashboard goaded us to pull in to the next available service station. I’m not sure about you, but I get unnerved with the thought of running out of gas on a freeway. Having experienced it a couple of times, this is one event that I do not wish to endure again. We both affirmed that our destination was now only 45 minutes away and under the sanctuary of a full tank, we looked and moved onward in the direction of Abu Dhabi. I felt almost relieved that we now had juice enough to see us through to completion. As the dreaded thought of being stranded on the road passed, a quiet calm now eased into our beings and I literally eased my seat backward to get some shut eye.

 

In the arena of sales, the follow up is a highly deliberated topic. Having coached teams of sales professionals, one observes that this subject inevitably arouses a desperate fervor – a protest of sorts which revolves around the ever lurking question i.e. why do ‘so many’ say no? In a beautiful article that I read today, the author spoke about the virtues of an Eagle. Its excellent eye sight and focus is second to none. The eagle happens to be the only bird on this planet that can fly over 10,000 feet. It even has the longest life among birds – 70 years. A regal creature respected by birds and animals alike and even used by humans as a symbol of success, victory and strength. One fact intrigued me though. This was about the Eagles hunting abilities. Apparently, the Eagle misses its prey 13 out of 14 times! I read this again and again and pondered how so much respect can be given to a creature with this sort of blatant imperfection. 13 out of 14 attempts, that’s a failure rate of 92.8% or a success rate of only 7.2%. Such small triumph earns so much credit only because the Eagle keeps swooping until it gets its meal. And so it is the act of ‘pursuing until’ that’s holds far more weight that merely ‘pursuing’. Another beautiful fact is that – in the new day, the Eagle happily chases 14 new targets without a single thought of the 13 that were missed on the previous day. Thus, its past failures do not in the least deter it from enthusiastically chasing its goals.

 

After over one decade in sales, I am able to identify only ONE reason why I haven’t gotten results from the follow up….. I just haven’t met enough people. I have failed at the follow up, because I thought (and almost believed) that every person I met will give me business. My follow ups got better when I started to appreciate that one out of three or sometimes one out of five meetings will close into actual revenue earned.

 

An instance that Venkat and me will not forget was when we accidently took an exit that brought us completely around and headed us back towards Dubai. So, it was with great frustration that we saw ourselves headed in the wrong direction until another exit that once again pointed us towards the intended destination. Then too, it was upsetting to know that we were driving on the same road that we had just been on 20 minutes ago. ‘Funny’, I remember thinking to myself. When we drove through that patch the last time, our emotions were high and we were in a general state of jubilation. However, repeating that very same territory invoked an exact opposite emotion! Interestingly, each attempt was just 20 minutes apart. Thus, it forces a conclusion, that revisiting an endeavor that has been already undertaken in the very recent past is neither satisfying nor gratifying. We would only derive joy from that same patch of road when we returned to Dubai or during our next trip to Abu Dhabi.

 

In sales, looping yourself around the very same prospects is frustrating for you and irritating for them. Here’s another cliché ‘Give them some space’. While we can appreciate this in the realm of personal relationships, applying it in sales is nothing short of liberating. To now evolve this liberation into nirvana – one must open up a whole new batch of fresh prospects. It’s almost fascinating how time and again (for almost 11 years now), I’ve observed that relationships with old candidates actually grow when you reconnect with them after a good space of time. When they realize that you have moved on without them and scored with other prospects – there is a kind of peace that surrounds the relationship. This harmony is also felt by you and echoed through your tone of voice and general attitude. Predictably then, the prospect respects you more and yearns to commence a working relationship with you. As I write this, my racing mind is able to recollect at least 8 or 10 cases in the very recent past, of people with whom I have built stronger bonds because I ‘moved on’ and dared to go after newer terrain. Psychologically, this kind of approach brings about greater accord in the rapport between you and the prospect.

 

Venkat and me arrived in Abu Dhabi had a few of good meetings, and headed right into a service station – this time to fuel ourselves, a well deserved hot meal at the end of the day! We excitedly spoke about our plans for the next day and the week ahead while continuing to be wary of not spending more than just a few minutes to study the past. The close of the day was thus dominated by the emotions of hope, zeal and expectation and not its opposites.

 

I conclude with what is undeniably my favorite word in sales. One word which to me, is a philosophy, a belief and a conviction. This one word, I can call a most trustworthy guide that is the ever shining beacon of light in the brightest or darkest of times.

 

And that one word is, ‘NEXT!’

 

Ask yourself today and then every day – Who is the next one? Do this for the next 90 days and then alarm yourself with the fabulous fruits of success.

 

Norman Leonard said, ‘The bend in the road, is not the end in the road, unless you fail to make the turn’. So, let’s take those turns and fulfill all our dreams.

 

 (Arjun Aiyar is a corporate trainer, executive coach and motivational speaker based in Dubai. He has two training companies – one in India and the other in the UAE. His organizations cater to corporates and individuals by providing training and coaching in soft skills and behavioural areas. Learn more about Arjun’s business on www.stepupuae.com or www.thinqdynamiq.com)

(This article written by Arjun Aiyar – a trainer and executive coach, featured in the Mumbai Midday on Feb 1, 2007)

 

 

Making realistic promises at the workplace…

 

“What’s more important than making promises?” – Keeping them i.e. delivering on the promise that you have made.

Today’s workplace is extremely fast paced and dynamic. With more and more people who are equally competent to do a job, what really differentiates you are intangibles like – trust, integrity and reliability. One of the best ways to build your ‘brownie points’ on those intangibles is to maintain consistency in what you say and what you do!

 Integrity is a fundamental measure of character, and is a function of consistency, honesty, openness, work ethic & transparency.

 The higher you move up the corporate ladder, the more important integrity becomes. If you are in a leadership role, you can only earn trust by ‘waking the talk’. “What you do, speaks so loud – I cannot hear what you say”. This is the essence of a good promise.

Some tips to help you make and keep promises at the workplace.

 If you are 100% sure – make the promise right away. Anything less than 100% – don’t hesitate to ask for time to evaluate and revert. By asking for time, you are (a) showing the other party that the issue is of importance to you and (b) allowing time and space for creative ideas and solutions.

1. Avoid a ‘knee jerk promise’ i.e. don’t make the promise even before the concerned person has made his request. At the very least, take 10 seconds to think about what is being asked of you. This will make you feel better and appear mature.
2. Whatever time frame you promise to deliver – ensure that you build in a margin of safety. Thus, you will often deliver sooner than what you promised! Imagine how much good this can do for your reputation at the work place.
3. Under promise and over deliver (never the other way around). Endeavour to deliver more that what you promised. This is the true mark of a champion.
4. Effective time management, and maintaining ‘daily to-do lists’ can greatly help in keeping the promises you make.
5. Having the capacity for change and lateral thinking -

-          Adapt quickly and readily to new and unforeseen conditions.

-          Experiment and innovate.

-          Learn rapidly.

-          Be willing to take risks.

1. Work across boundaries. Share ideas and insights from one unit to another with little friction or difficulty. Involve other people and rally them to your cause. A team effort will always out do an individual.
2. Engage in systems thinking. Structure your approach. He who fails to plan – plans to fail.

 In summary, the world is divided into two classes of people: the few who make good on their promises (even if they don’t make as much) and the many who don’t. It is in your best interest to get into the former category and remain there. This will make you a very valuable employee and eventually a true professional.

(Arjun Aiyar is a corporate trainer, executive coach and motivational speaker based in Dubai. He has two training companies – one in India and the other in the UAE. His organizations cater to corporates and individuals by providing training and coaching in soft skills and behavioural areas. Learn more about Arjun’s business on www.stepupuae.com or www.thinqdynamiq.com)

(This article written by Arjun Aiyar, trainer and coach, featured in the Mumbai Midday – Aug 13, 2008)

  

Numerous stories are told about people who achieved massive financial and career success and ended up with either health or family crises or both. As the old adage says, ‘We spend our youth pursuing wealth by sacrificing all our health. Later in life, we spend all our wealth to try and gain back our health’. This is becoming ever so common in the work place today. I’ll bet we all know (or know of) at least one person who has suffered a stroke on or before his early forty’s. Life in the fast lane continues to get faster. When we look around, all the slow lanes seem to have vanished – or have they?  

 

There is a silver lining to this dark and gloomy cloud. The fact is that there are people who do manage to strike that balance between their work and personal life while still giving due importance to each category. These people have achieved the much coveted state of ‘Work – Life balance. Let’s learn from what these people do –

 

1. Don’t look for a quick fix. Attaining work – life balance is not like cooking instant noodles – it does not happen in two minutes. Like everything else that’s worth while, it’s a process. It takes time, effort and consistency.
2. Giving time to family, health, friends, hobbies, etc is just a question of prioritizing. We never complain that there was no time to brush our teeth or have a bath in the morning (I hope not!) do we? Thus, it’s never a question of not having the time, instead it’s always a matter of making the time. Your priorities determine your success.
3. Avoid time wasters. Time management is one of the keys to good balance. Examples of time wasters are negative gossip sessions, TV, reading trash, etc. Successful people have the emotional strength to say ‘No’ to activities and people that drain their time and life. Doug Wead, a world renowned author, political strategist and motivational speaker says, ‘I don’t know the secret of success, but the secret of failure is trying to please everyone’. This leads to the next point.
4. Manage your attitude and energy. The IT industry well understands the term GIGO – Garbage In Garbage Out. We appreciate that frequently eating junk food weakens our bodies and lowers our energy levels. The mind is no different. Regular ‘brain health food’ in the form of positive books, cd’s, etc will develop an efficient and balanced mind. I know people who use non productive time (travelling to and from work) to read and listen to quality material. It’s much better than talking on the phone and believe me, when the inputs are positive, you remain motivated enough to not fall asleep. Needless to say, excessive smoking and alcohol use also hamper your efforts to attain work life balance. So, kill your bad habits before they kill you.
5.  Manage your problems. My mentor taught me that the only people who do not have problems are people who are dead. So, if you are alive, you will have problems. One of the best ways of not being bogged down by adversity is to develop an ‘attitude of gratitude’. Make a list of all the things that you are grateful for – the food you ate today, the roof over your head, the few people who care about you, etc. Know that there are millions in this country and around the world – who don’t have even half of what you have. Now, that makes you feel better doesn’t it? And the final point is –
6. Be happy. Happiness is a less a product of your external circumstances and more an outcome of your thinking. It is a choice. True joy comes from within and not without. Learn to find joy in everything including adversity. The real goal is not work – life balance. The real goal is happiness. Work life balance is just a tool to help you achieve joy and happiness in your life. Do things that bring that joy into your life – whether it’s watching a movie or talking to a friend or eating a sandwich – different strokes for different folks.

 So, how do we know that we are on track? Is there a score board that can tell you when you’re going astray?

 

Here’s a simple, yet effective system. At the end of every week, ask yourself how you fared in the following SIX areas. Did you give at least some time to each of these areas listed below?

 

1.      Career / Financial – Easiest to do, just make sure that you contribute to your organization and add value to their business.

2.      Home / Relationships – Do something to put a smile on at least one person in your home.

3.      Social – A quality conversation with a friend without any hidden agenda.

4.      Physical – Some exercise. Experts suggest that 15 minutes of ‘vigorous movement’ is superior to one hour of hanging out at the gym.

5.      Mental – Read at least a portion of a self help book.

6.      Spiritual – Whatever your religion, do something to connect with your higher self and the forces of the universe.

 

Give yourself a score of ONE, if you did it and ZERO if you didn’t.

 

For the first few weeks, just add up your total and see how you fared.

 

Over time and as you get better – don’t add but multiply the score. Thus, even one zero will give you a total count of zero! Only having all ones, will give you a ONE – and trust me that score is sufficient to categorize you as a balanced individual.

 

(Arjun Aiyar is a corporate trainer, executive coach and motivational speaker based in Dubai. He has two training companies – one in India and the other in the UAE. His organizations cater to corporates and individuals by providing training and coaching in soft skills and behavioural areas. Learn more about Arjun’s business on www.stepupuae.com or www.thinqdynamiq.com)